Thursday, September 20, 2012

Growing Up

So, I haven't posted in a while. There's a reason for that, but I'm afraid it isn't an all that great kind of reason. But, here it is: I've been busy with life and just haven't had anything to say.... Like I said, it's not very good, but it is true. To be honest, right now there are about 10,000 other things I could (maybe even should) be doing before I go into the office, but right now, I want some "me time". I am drinking my coffee, (now iced because I didn't get it finished before it cooled off and I hate reheating coffee in the microwave), while sitting in my recliner (oh how I love this chair!) and blogging.

To be honest, there is very little that has been exciting lately. My life is very ordinary. I work 40 hrs a week, have a great husband and 2 kitty-cats to take care of, an apartment to clean, hobbies to try and squeeze in a midst the necessity of seeing family and friends, work at the office, working at home, etc. Life is ordinary but very busy. Sometimes, life is overwhelming. Every fee like you just can't do it all? Yeah, I feel ya. Totally there.

This time last year, I was getting ready to start my first "big girl job" (aka full-time) while I was still a student. I was excited. Now, I can honestly say that I don't remember the first 4 months of my job. Why? The whole full-time job and full-time student combination was crazy, and I really, really don't remember most of it. I wish I did, but I'm guessing that it's a good thing I don't :).

I can also say that I miss being a student. (I know, I'm a total geek. Oh well, I've made peace with it.) Seriously, I miss learning, going to class, the sense of community, books- I miss school. (But I can say with total certainty that I DO NOT miss tests/exams or writing papers all the time. Never.) There is so much promise when you are a student. You can do anything. Be anything. Dream anything. Do anything. Now that I'm a "grown up", or at the very least have a grown up job, that sense of promise and feeling of the sky being my limit is not as prevalent as it used to be. I'm not trying to be melodramatic here. I know that I'm still young and that I have lots of years left ahead of me to do whatever with and make my own, but it's not quite the same.

This past year has really been a year for growing up very quickly. Perhaps too quickly. I'm not saying that I don't love me life- I truly, LOVE MY LIFE! But that doesn't mean it has been easy, or that given the chance I would do things a little differently. Oh well, there's no changing the past.

So now what? Well, now I just keep growing. Growing in Jesus. Growing as a wife, sister, daughter, friend. Growing as an employee. Growing as me. I haven't gotten this whole balance thing down yet and I'm pretty sure that no one does (makes me feel good to realize that). Each day, I have the chance to learn more about Jesus and to learn more about myself. Each day, I can choose to be more like Jesus that I was yesterday and each day I can choose to do things differently than I did the day before.

Maybe that sense of promise is still there, but maybe it's just packaged differently. What do you think?