I am part of a young married woman's Bible study at church. We've only met a couple of times but it's so great to have other women who share my current position in life to talk to. Our book is challenging to say the least, it's about the Proverbs 31 woman. My husband told me a while back before we were married that he always knew the woman he would marry was going to strive to be the godly woman Proverbs 31 talks about. I can honestly say that I am not the perfect woman of Proverbs 31, but I am trying.
In the three and a half months that I have been married, I have learned that being a good wife is not about what you do. It's not about having a spotless house or always having clean laundry or how many meals you cook (Good thing too, because I don't have a spotless house, we riffle through the clean laundry to find clothes for the day and we have been know to order pizza). It's about the heart. Specifically, it's about my heart.
If I am going to be the godly wife who Proverbs 18:22 calls "a good thing" then I have to have my heart right with God. Now for a little more honesty: my heart is not always right. My attitude isn't alway right either, just in case you were wondering. I get moody, upset and frustrated just like I'm sure everyone else does too. And when my actions portray less than fabulous attitude, I feel like a failure at life afterwards.
Lately, I have been praying for the Lord to change my attitude when I'm frustrated with something, particularly when I'm frustrated with another person. Ultimately, my frustration is just about my expectations for ________ not being met. And lets be clear, I get frustrated a lot. Frustrated when I have to wait in line at the grocery store. Frustrated when I have to fold laundry and I'd rather be doing ______. Frustrated when my husband gets home later than I planned and I have to reheat dinner (this has only happen once, btw). Frustrated.
As you can guess, I pray that prayer a lot. A whole lot. But the thing is, it works. Well, it works if I am willing to let go of my frustration and let God give me a new attitude. And let me tell ya, there are PLENTY of times when I don't want to let go of those negative feelings. The good news is that when my heart is not right and far from where it needs to be, the Lord forgives me and lets me try again. How cool is that?!? This is good news for me because I mees up so often.
I know that if my heart is not right then nothing else I do really matters. 1 Corinthians 13 says that without love we and all that we do is nothing more than a noisy gong or cymbal (my paraphrase). I don't know about you but the last thing that I want is to be an obnoxious cymbal or gong. My constant prayer is that God would work in my heart and deepen my love for Him, and deepen my love for my husband. This doesn't mean that I don't love both the Lord and my husband, but rather that I recognize the room for growth that exists in my life.
I am encouraged with the knowledge that for every mistake there is grace and forgiveness and the opportunity to try again. I don't have this whole "wife" thing down yet, and I never will but as I draw closer to the Father I get a little bit closer to becoming more like Proverbs 31 woman.